Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
