ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
