I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
