Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
