Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
