How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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