yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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