Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
