when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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