I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
