You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
