Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
