If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
