So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
