remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
