Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
