I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
