Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
