I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
