I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
