I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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