your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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