I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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