I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
