it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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