He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i drank out of a bidet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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