I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
