is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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