Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
