Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
