this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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