tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
