i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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