I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
