youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
