her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
