the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
40s are totally the cure
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
