If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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