I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
