Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
