a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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