this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
