Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
