I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
