There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
