And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
