I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
