Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
