Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
