I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
