You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
